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When Jealousy Visits Your Relationship!!!

By on Oct 30, 2013 in Blog | 0 comments

Relationships are built on trust. No matter how much you love your partner, if you are excessively jealous, it will be difficult for your relationship to last. Jealousy can take a toll on any relationship, regardless of whether you are married or dating for years. Being jealous is harmful to your relationship, and to yourself. Persistent doubts and negative thoughts can lead to added stress, which is not good for your mental or physical health.

Jealousy arising from the thought of your loved one with someone else can trigger many feelings. You may believe your jealousy is an indicator that you care about your partner. In this case, you see it as a sign of strength in your relationship; and perhaps it even elicits romantic feelings. On the other hand, jealousy can trigger feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger or even intense rage. That rage could be directed toward a person perceived as the ‘object of your partner’s affections’, your partner or yourself (in the form of putting yourself down because of your perception of not “measuring up” to that ‘other person’). In addition, jealousy can naturally lead to mistrust, which can wreak havoc in every aspect of your relationship.

One of the biggest problems with your feelings of jealousy is that they can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. In fact, there’s no guarantee that a relationship will stay intact forever, or that your partner might not fall for someone else; but jealousy can be the catalyst in a chain of events that makes one of these possibilities become a reality.

Handling jealousy requires a look at how much you trust your partner. The fact is that it’s normal for him or her to find others attractive from time to time, just as you do, while understanding that this is not really a threat to the relationship unless acted upon. In other words, mental exclusivity is a very high, perhaps impossible standard. Obsessing about this only leads to needless pain

The first step to getting over your jealousy is accepting the fact that you are, in fact, a jealous partner. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I have a problem with my partner speaking to people of the opposite sex (or same sex, for same-sex couples)? If my partner does not answer my call or text message in a time that I deem acceptable, do I become irritated, leave nasty messages or begin to think he or she is “up to no good”? Do I feel threatened that my partner may leave me for someone else, even though they have not been unfaithful in the past? Do I feel like my partner is being deceptive about his or her whereabouts, even though evidence does not support such thinking? If you answered “yes” to any of the previous questions, you may be a jealous partner.

If you have identified yourself as a jealous partner, great!!. Acceptance is the first step to fixing the problem. Now it is time to figure out why you are jealous. Have you been hurt in the past? Has your partner done something specifically that makes you not trust them? If you believe you are jealous because of past transgressions from other partners, remind yourself that not all people are the same. Just because John Doe hurt you in the past, doesn’t mean that your current partner will do the same-unless, of course, you see some of the same patterns that your ex displayed. If your current partner has done something that makes you insecure, have a chat with them. Avoid using the word “you,” as in “You make me feel… when…” Instead, use “I,” as in “I feel insecure when…” or “I worry about our relationship when…” Using “I” instead of “you” will make your partner feel like you are owning your feelings, rather than placing the blame on them. This should begin a healthy dialogue between you and your partner that will help you feel less insecure in your relationship.

Of course, we were all blessed with something called intuition, or our inner voice. If your inner voice is telling you that something just is not right, you may want to listen to that voice. However, if you decide to listen to the inner voice that is telling you something is not right, you must end the relationship. It is not fair to your partner, or yourself, to continue in a relationship where there is substantial doubt. Otherwise, if you decide that your jealousy is unfounded, make an effort to stop your jealous tendencies. You will thank yourself in the end…

Sejal Desai

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