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Teach children ” How To Say No”

By on Oct 2, 2015 in Blog | 4 comments

  All day, every day, we hope that our teens will resist when they find themselves in a dicey situation — whether it involves drugs or booze or looking at porn Web sites or having sex. We cross our fingers that their first reaction will be a hearty N-O. Recently I was on the Skype counselling with a teenage mother . My client was beside herself because her precious son had come home drunk the night before. My client wailed to me: “How many times me and my husband spent talking about alcohol during the past decade? And the first time he’s offered beer, he takes it. He TAKES IT!”  I asked her what was his excuse for taking it?” My client said: “All he could come up with is: ‘Mom — I DIDN’T WANT TO SAY YES — BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.’”  Now , this made me think on more deeper level !! You know, Just Say No sounds good in theory. But it implies that saying no is as easy as saying yes. It’s just not. In practice, saying no begs an explanation and saying yes doesn’t. Just Saying No makes for an awkward moment, which makes it an unhelpful suggestion to teens (and people pleasers ) who often care about avoiding awkwardness even more than they care about their own well-being. Yes, we spend hours talking to our kids about WHY to say no, but we don’t tell them HOW to say no. When they are put on the spot, they don’t have hours to explain their decisions to their peers. They have a split second. And while our teens and want to make the right decisions, they often want to avoid awkwardness even more. In the absence of a plan, they’ll likely default to yes. Just like we so often do. Maybe they’re not saying yes because they want to rebel – maybe they really do say yes because they don’t know what else to say. They need help knowing, preparing. One of life’s great reality checks is parenting or caring for young people. The process of trying to protect them and prevent them from making bad choices reminds all who try that we have very limited power. We may think we can control the worlds and...

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Helping Your Daughter to Learn About Periods !!

By on Aug 30, 2015 in Blog | 0 comments

    “What are these, Mommy?” asked the 7-year-old Gopi, reaching into her mother’s vanity drawer and pulling out a box of Sanitary  Pads. Caught unprepared to talk about puberty and menstruation, her mother Sheela  said, “Um…they’re windshield wiper cleaners, dear , keep it inside please .” Will you be more ready than that when it’s time to talk to your daughter about her first period? That time may come sooner than you think. Although a girl’s first period usually occurs at about age 12, some girls experience their first period much earlier. And even before she gets her first period, your daughter will be noticing other changes in her body: Recent studies show that most girls start developing breast buds sometime between age 9 and 10. When that happens, you’ll know that her first period may not be far off: The development of breast buds usually precedes a girls’ first period by about two years, while pubic and underarm hair usually begins to appear about six months before the onset of menstruation. “A girl’s first period should actually be a milestone in a series of talks over many years about normal development — physical changes and psychological changes,” says Karen Zager, PhD, a psychologist. “All of that should start when they’re very young, in age-appropriate ways.”  Tips for Talking to a Girl About Her First Period Start talking about periods in general terms from an early age. “Put it in the context of natural functions, and it’s very easy for kids to absorb.  “You can tell her, ‘You know, someday your body will grow up and look like Mama’s, and you’ll have breasts and hair in certain places. Your body will change in lots of ways as you get ready to be a grown-up woman.” As your daughter gets older, get into specifics.You can talk with her more about what that menstruation means — such as what her first period will be like and being able to get pregnant if she has sex. Answer questions with simple, factual information that is age appropriate.Don’t feel the need to elaborate or go into extensive explanations because you’re nervous. If your first-grader finds your box of sanitary pads, you can simply say,...

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How To Motivate Your Child !!!

By on Jul 11, 2015 in Blog | 3 comments

Why is it so hard to motivate kids? As parents, we often have a funny, inaccurate belief that our children won’t care unless we twist their arms. But the simple truth is that your attempts to motivate your child are probably working against you. You can’t make your child care just because you do—in fact, you might actually get in the way of their motivation. What’s worse, the push-pull of trying to motivate your child usually turns into a power struggle. There’s something wrong with the picture if you care more about your child’s grades than he does. If you’ve been getting in your child’s “box” and trying to make him care because you do, it’s important to stop and ask yourself this question, “What’s my child’s responsibility here? What’s mine?” If your child isn’t getting his work done, your job as a parent is to hold him accountable and teach him how the real world works. In the real world, if you don’t finish your work, you won’t get paid. Give consequences to show your child what the result of his poor choices are, but don’t confuse the reason for doing this with thinking you’ll make him care about his math homework simply because you care about it. Consequences aren’t there to create motivation; you give them because you’re doing your job as a parent. The bottom line is that you can’t motivate another person to care. Your role, rather, is to inspire and influence. As parents, we often feel responsible for our child’s outcome in life, but understand that this is never the case—ultimately, your child is responsible for his own choices. But because we think our kids’ success depends on us, we step into a place where we don’t belong. We’re taught that we need to somehow control our kids, so we often jump in their box without a second thought. We think we’re supposed to motivate our children to want certain things in life, but that only causes them to function in reaction to you. Your child might comply to get you off his back or even to please you, but that doesn’t help him get self-motivated. Again, you definitely want to inspire and influence...

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TEEN ANXIETY – COPING SKILLS

By on May 18, 2015 in Blog | 6 comments

Anxiety is on the rise, including in the teen population. While a very small number of people need to manage anxiety  with medication, adjustments in a teen’s lifestyle and extra support at home can lead to great changes. If your teen is currently using anxiety  medication, it is important s/he also learns coping techniques that can minimize or eliminate the need for or dependence on prescription drugs. A healthier lifestyle will improve the overall quality of your teen’s life. Encourage your teen to make necessary adjustments. Here are 9 tips to help your teen cope with or eliminate anxiety . Relaxation methods:Yoga, nature walks (e.g. hiking), quiet time (without music, TV, or other electronic devices), and laughter are all example of methods that produce feelings of relaxtation and reduce anxious feelings in the body. With a hectic life and access to many electronic gadgets, most kids have little quiet time and have minds that are constantly running. Try to schedule quiet time in the house for everyone. It can be at different times or at the same time for everyone. The present moment:If you find your teen is constantly talking about the past or about the future, guide him/her to the present moment. The past cannot be changed and the future holds endless positive opportunities. Ask your teen about what is happening in life now and what can be done now to shape the future s/he wants. Teach your teen to let go of past events and to be an optimist regarding the future. Set a good example. Find root cause of your child’s thoughts:If your child is expressing nervousness and fear, don’t sugar coat the feelings by saying everything will be fine. The feelings are based on thoughts and past experiences. Ask questions that will lead you to the root cause of his/ her fear. When you find it, eliminate it through logic, past examples, and optimism. Practice positivity:Encourage your child to think positively. At the beginning of each week ask your teen to write one positive story. The story should include details of how things will turn out positively. When the story is completed, ask him/her to re-read it daily. Journaling: Ask your teen to write down what makes him/her feel...

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How to Communicate Sex With Your Children Of All Age !!

By on Feb 8, 2015 in Blog | 4 comments

“Many parents are rather shocked at how early I suggest they should start talking to their kids about sex”. But what I also hear from parents is ‘I want to be first.’ Then I say , If you want to be first, you have to make sure you’re first; otherwise kids will get their information and attitudes from other children and the media.”  That doesn’t mean marking a date on the calendar for one marathon birds and bees session. Teaching should be an ongoing process in which your child learns over time what she needs to know to develop a healthy attitude toward her body and sexuality. With that in mind, I’ve put together a parental primer to make talking the talk easier at every stage of your child’s development. Birth to 2 – Where they’re at  Many parents are surprised to find that their children are sexual beings from birth,  Even infants are curious about their own bodies and will often touch their genitals in the bathtub or during diaper changes, and baby boys have regular erections. Toddlers have no sense of privacy and may masturbate quite openly. “My 18-month-old used to rub herself ferociously during nap time at daycare,” says mom Sheetal from Bangalore  “Finally, her daycare provider said we had to speak to her about it—apparently, all the other children were watching!”   What you need to know as parents 
  If your toddler is in the habit of touching herself at daycare, the grocery store or in front of your moms’ group, gently remind her that we keep our dresses down in public and we take our hands out of our pants. “Children learn from their parents’ reaction whether or not their actions are acceptable. At two, they simply need to be told, ‘That’s not allowed in public.’” Don’t scold or shame them. The message you want to give to your child is that masturbation is healthy and normal, but something that should be done in the privacy of her own room.  It’s never too early to start teaching children the correct names for their body parts, including their genitals. When you’re giving your tot a bath or changing his diaper, state matter-of-factly, “This is...

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WHAT IS ADHD & PTSD ?

By on Jan 29, 2015 in Blog | 0 comments

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can be very difficult to manage – especially for adults with ADHD. As the name suggests, this cluster of symptoms is the result of experiencing a traumatic event. A person with PTSD may be easily triggered by a smell, sound, sight or other sensation associated with a conscious or unconscious element of a traumatic incident, reactivating the psychological response. Often people with PTSD are aware of their traumas and associated triggers. These people may recognize when they are re enacting the emotional response. This is the case with people who have been in car accidents and become unable to drive (or ride) in a car without distress; crime victims who are terrified to go near a bank or other scene of the crime; sexual abuse or rape victims who become physically sick when they smell certain cologne or try to eat certain foods. For people who don’t remember the trauma, these reactions are usually confusing and frightening. People may spend years in therapy attempting to figure out why they have such extreme reactions to seemingly neutral objects. What about those who have unnamed trauma? Or, those who are unaware of their triggers and may not recognize what is happening when they slip into that ‘psychological space’ in their minds. Below is a list of some more commonly reported PTSD reactions. • Often the symptoms begin as feeling a bit dazed and numb – things seem a bit hazy or unclear – that can continue for several days or weeks. Dissociation is a common response to trauma, not unlike the times one’s mind just disappears with ADHD. • The confusion and dreaminess is usually followed by or accompanied with anxiety , often the generalized (free-floating) anxiety that feels like edginess, being easily startled and jumpy for no apparent reason. • People usually have problems sleeping or relaxing. Hyper-vigilance, that constant sense of urgency, being on guard or ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’, ramps up the anxiety to the point of paranoia at times. This can lead to sleep deprivation, which amplifies the hyper-vigilance and many other problems. • Isolation is pretty common for people who are hyper-vigilant or paranoid....

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