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Teach children ” How To Say No”

By on Oct 2, 2015 in Blog | 4 comments

  All day, every day, we hope that our teens will resist when they find themselves in a dicey situation — whether it involves drugs or booze or looking at porn Web sites or having sex. We cross our fingers that their first reaction will be a hearty N-O. Recently I was on the Skype counselling with a teenage mother . My client was beside herself because her precious son had come home drunk the night before. My client wailed to me: “How many times me and my husband spent talking about alcohol during the past decade? And the first time he’s offered beer, he takes it. He TAKES IT!”  I asked her what was his excuse for taking it?” My client said: “All he could come up with is: ‘Mom — I DIDN’T WANT TO SAY YES — BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY.’”  Now , this made me think on more deeper level !! You know, Just Say No sounds good in theory. But it implies that saying no is as easy as saying yes. It’s just not. In practice, saying no begs an explanation and saying yes doesn’t. Just Saying No makes for an awkward moment, which makes it an unhelpful suggestion to teens (and people pleasers ) who often care about avoiding awkwardness even more than they care about their own well-being. Yes, we spend hours talking to our kids about WHY to say no, but we don’t tell them HOW to say no. When they are put on the spot, they don’t have hours to explain their decisions to their peers. They have a split second. And while our teens and want to make the right decisions, they often want to avoid awkwardness even more. In the absence of a plan, they’ll likely default to yes. Just like we so often do. Maybe they’re not saying yes because they want to rebel – maybe they really do say yes because they don’t know what else to say. They need help knowing, preparing. One of life’s great reality checks is parenting or caring for young people. The process of trying to protect them and prevent them from making bad choices reminds all who try that we have very limited power. We may think we can control the worlds and...

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Helping Your Daughter to Learn About Periods !!

By on Aug 30, 2015 in Blog | 0 comments

    “What are these, Mommy?” asked the 7-year-old Gopi, reaching into her mother’s vanity drawer and pulling out a box of Sanitary  Pads. Caught unprepared to talk about puberty and menstruation, her mother Sheela  said, “Um…they’re windshield wiper cleaners, dear , keep it inside please .” Will you be more ready than that when it’s time to talk to your daughter about her first period? That time may come sooner than you think. Although a girl’s first period usually occurs at about age 12, some girls experience their first period much earlier. And even before she gets her first period, your daughter will be noticing other changes in her body: Recent studies show that most girls start developing breast buds sometime between age 9 and 10. When that happens, you’ll know that her first period may not be far off: The development of breast buds usually precedes a girls’ first period by about two years, while pubic and underarm hair usually begins to appear about six months before the onset of menstruation. “A girl’s first period should actually be a milestone in a series of talks over many years about normal development — physical changes and psychological changes,” says Karen Zager, PhD, a psychologist. “All of that should start when they’re very young, in age-appropriate ways.”  Tips for Talking to a Girl About Her First Period Start talking about periods in general terms from an early age. “Put it in the context of natural functions, and it’s very easy for kids to absorb.  “You can tell her, ‘You know, someday your body will grow up and look like Mama’s, and you’ll have breasts and hair in certain places. Your body will change in lots of ways as you get ready to be a grown-up woman.” As your daughter gets older, get into specifics.You can talk with her more about what that menstruation means — such as what her first period will be like and being able to get pregnant if she has sex. Answer questions with simple, factual information that is age appropriate.Don’t feel the need to elaborate or go into extensive explanations because you’re nervous. If your first-grader finds your box of sanitary pads, you can simply say,...

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Anxiety In Children !!

By on Aug 26, 2015 in Featured | 0 comments

“While the overused phrase, “children are resilient” is somewhat accurate, it isn’t true in the way we think. They are resilient because they have access to defense mechanisms, but those mechanisms can become debilitating if they continue in to adulthood…” – Elisabeth Corey....

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Care for self -1

By on Aug 13, 2015 in Parenting Cards | 0 comments

Being a parent is for life.  Being a parent can be stressful. Being a parent can be very satisfying. Parents have to care for themselves too.  No matter what your past, you can become the parent you want to be.  You can be imperfect and still be a good parent.  Every parent needs someone to talk...

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How To Motivate Your Child !!!

By on Jul 11, 2015 in Blog | 3 comments

Why is it so hard to motivate kids? As parents, we often have a funny, inaccurate belief that our children won’t care unless we twist their arms. But the simple truth is that your attempts to motivate your child are probably working against you. You can’t make your child care just because you do—in fact, you might actually get in the way of their motivation. What’s worse, the push-pull of trying to motivate your child usually turns into a power struggle. There’s something wrong with the picture if you care more about your child’s grades than he does. If you’ve been getting in your child’s “box” and trying to make him care because you do, it’s important to stop and ask yourself this question, “What’s my child’s responsibility here? What’s mine?” If your child isn’t getting his work done, your job as a parent is to hold him accountable and teach him how the real world works. In the real world, if you don’t finish your work, you won’t get paid. Give consequences to show your child what the result of his poor choices are, but don’t confuse the reason for doing this with thinking you’ll make him care about his math homework simply because you care about it. Consequences aren’t there to create motivation; you give them because you’re doing your job as a parent. The bottom line is that you can’t motivate another person to care. Your role, rather, is to inspire and influence. As parents, we often feel responsible for our child’s outcome in life, but understand that this is never the case—ultimately, your child is responsible for his own choices. But because we think our kids’ success depends on us, we step into a place where we don’t belong. We’re taught that we need to somehow control our kids, so we often jump in their box without a second thought. We think we’re supposed to motivate our children to want certain things in life, but that only causes them to function in reaction to you. Your child might comply to get you off his back or even to please you, but that doesn’t help him get self-motivated. Again, you definitely want to inspire and influence...

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